It is a strange feeling after eighteen years of being at home to think of having my own desk in an office. It is odd to think of filling out time sheets to hand in to a boss, of being accountable not only for assignments but for the minutes I sit at that desk. And as excited as I am about becoming the special events coordinator for the Anderson Abruzzo Albuquerque International Balloon Museum, there is a part of me that doesn’t like for someone else to suddenly tell me what to do with my time.
I think it is the bane of the self-employed, this notion that as long as the job is done, it is nobody else’s business how we spend our time. For years I have turned in articles and profiles and a litany of other projects without punching a time clock or writing down how I spent my time. I met deadlines, started new projects, and generated work without being told to do so. I wanted the work, so I knew what it took to get the job, do the work, and turn it in on time. And thus a part of me feels like this is going backwards.
But in reality, it’s probably not a bad thing at all. I wonder if my jobs could have been accomplished in shorter time with better results had I been telling someone else how I’d spent my time. If there had been a little sheet I filled out, perhaps I wouldn’t have spent some much time dawdling and getting ready to do something profound.
As a stay-at-home mom, it’s been the perfect combination to not have someone else breathing down my back, to be able to drop a project for a bit when I needed to run the kids to practice or spend an hour talking over a particularly rough day with one of them. It’s why I’ve worked from home – so that I could be there when they needed me. And I don’t regret a minute of the time I put off going back to an office, and I know I have a different relationship with my kids because of it. They bought a frame for my new desk – with just enough sections for each of their photos.
And so I will go fill out the time cards, look at my kids’ photos, and do my best to fill my time wisely at my new position. And who knows – maybe I’ll learn a few things about myself along the way.