Want to be Successful? Get Over Yourself and Seize the Opportunity

Andre Moore knows what it is to watch a bright future disappear – not once, but twice. Being forced to reinvent himself after thinking he was on the right path to success has helped him learn that seizing the opportunity is worth it, whenever and however that chance comes.

His first devastating heartbreak came early in his life when several letters of intent from major colleges and a promising career in the NFL evaporated into nothing after he was injured during his junior year of high school. The eldest son of several siblings raised by a hard-working single mother, the young Alabama native metamorphosed overnight from a rising star to a young man with an uncertain future. As he watched one door close on his future, he chose to follow his heart and enlisted to serve his country while still in high school, first in the National Guard and then as a medic in the Army. But, once again, this calling was cut short when Andre suffered a debilitating injury the day before his unit shipped out. Devastated, he returned home and contemplated what to do with his life. At the invitation of childhood friends, he moved cross-country to make a new life for himself in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where he quickly earned certification as a dental assistant before enrolling in the University of New Mexico.

 

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My son, Jonathon, became friends with Andre when the two began studying together at the university’s library. Most weekends, Jonathon came home from Andre’s loaded with leftover ribs or chicken. After pilfering his leftovers one afternoon, I asked my son why Andre wasn’t selling his ribs. Despite eating them cold out of the fridge, his ribs tasted incredible. When Andre was invited to attend a Startup Weekend event, he and Jonathon jumped at the opportunity to flesh out the idea of launching a food truck. The team took second place and treated the entire audience to Andre’s ribs, converting many into a solid fan base.

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When Andre recently discovered that one of my good friends, J. Kelly Hoey, was coming for a visit, he created his own opportunity by offering to help out by delivering his ribs for one of our meals. Kelly was flying out from her home in New York City to support our network for women entrepreneurs I’d launched in 2014 with my cofounder Jessica Eaves Mathews. We’d invited Kelly to be a part of our first Women’s Conference, Haute Highlights, as the final keynote speaker as well as serving as a judge that night at our benefit gala, Haute Night Out. Kelly had even volunteered to be the guest speaker to kick off the Teen ABQ Startup Weekend which my younger son was helping organize.

Andre found a way to not only be of help but do so in a way that also put him in the same room with someone with knowledge and connections he wanted to meet. On her last day in Albuquerque, Andre arrived at our door loaded with steaming hot ribs and wings – as well as a long list of questions. While Kelly dined on the meal he’d prepared, she shared advice and answered his questions.

We can learn a lot from Andre. I wonder how many times we let our own fear, laziness, pride, or insecurity get in our way. How often do we succumb to that inner whisper that it’s too scary, that others will discover our lack of knowledge, skill or talent or won’t want to help us – and so instead of acting, we let opportunities slip away simply because we can’t get over ourselves enough to seize the moment?

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I recently attended an event designed to pair out-of-state investors with local entrepreneurs while riding a chair lift at the world-class ski resort in Taos, New Mexico. My husband and I made the drive to support our entrepreneurial community. An avid skier, my husband hit the slopes while I opted to hang out with the non-skiers. After chatting a bit with the group at the ski lodge, I found a quiet spot where I could work. At the end of my table sat a woman who was one of the founders pitching at the event. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her twice start to stand up before sitting back down. Finally, with a deep breath, she got up and approached an out-of-town investor working nearby. She introduced herself and asked if he would be willing to answer some of her questions.

When she returned to her seat next to me, I smiled. “Way to go,” I said. “Way to take advantage of the opportunity.”

“I had to,” she replied. “These investors are only here today. Right now. This may never happen again, so it is now or never.”

She seized the moment despite the struggle it took to get beyond her own fear of approaching a complete stranger who, on the hierarchy of startups, might have seemed far above her. And because of her action, she left the event richer for the opportunity – including now having a new connection who would likely remember her when she was ready to seek funding for her startup in the future.

The next time you’re presented with an opportunity, don’t hesitate. No one else is going to pave the way for you to reach your dreams, and even when one dream slips away, there are still opportunities to reinvent yourself. Don’t be lackadaisical with your life, and don’t squander precious opportunities. Get over yourself to find courage to seize the opportunity. It is the surest path forward – no matter what you want in life.

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How We Gain Self-Respect

file9751272655027How many of you remember your first school crush? I remember mine. I waited for the tiniest glimpse of him in the hall on our way to lunch, and at the end of the day, I hurried out front just in case he didn’t ride the bus and I might have a chance to see him on the steps talking with his friends. I wasn’t even supposed to leave out that door to get to my house, but the hope of seeing him – it was worth it. I scribbled his name on the inside of the back cover of my notebooks (never on the outside where someone might see). I spent hours on those name-designs, each more elaborate than the next. And then it happened, right there on the steps where I’d waited every day for weeks: he actually said hi. I froze. Somehow, it hadn’t occurred to me that he might actually notice me at some point, much less speak.

I’ve been thinking a lot about those name designs, because I’ve realized that we do the same thing as adults. We spend so much time arranging our dreams, talking about them, writing about them, reading books to get prepared, and taking classes to get ready to act on our dream. Sometimes our activities make us believe we’re moving in the right direction when, in reality, we’re just moving enough to not be disappointed in ourselves.

What is Your Dream?

What’s the dream you roll around in your mind? What holds you back? The fear of discovering we’re not capable and of being crushed by failure … that fear is so powerful. It drives us to inaction or partaking in small, meaningless activities that protect us against the big risk.

Recently, I and my cofounder created a nonprofit fund which helps disadvantaged women launch and build businesses. In just fourteen days, we received over fifty applications – all from women with dreams – some still just an idea and others ready to grow to a new level. We studied each application with our board of directors, all women entrepreneurs themselves, and after a very difficult decision, we narrowed it down to eleven finalists – all chosen because they have viable ideas for businesses and leadership skills. In addition, each applicant is facing disadvantages that make it difficult to achieve success without additional assistance or training.

Feeling Alone

We met with our finalists last night, preparing them for the upcoming ninety-second pitch each will deliver on stage during our upcoming benefit gala. We had a raw, honest talk about the scary process of making a dream a reality. Some finalists expressed concern about whether they were biting off more than they could chew, while others share their fears over gaps in experience, education or connections. We talked a lot about the paralyzing effect that was the fruit of fear. And in the end, we left with the understanding that each of us, as we pursue our individual dreams and work to bringing our vision to reality – we feel alone in our fear and our journey, but it is a shared experience, one that all of us must go through to get to the other side.

I am so inspired by these women who are facing their biggest fears head-on, and doing so despite sometimes overwhelming circumstances and challenges, because the compelling desire to realize their dream, take control of their future and help better the circumstances of others is finally more powerful than the fear of failing. It is a privilege to share a small part of their journey and witness their support of each other. Succeed or fail, this collective choice to be all-in and move forward is their first decision that changes everything and makes everything possible.

Who Else But You?

If you’re holding back on your own dream, consider this:

If you give up now or never get started, who will bring your vision into the world?

No one.

Really.

No one.

It’s yours, and if you give up when things get difficult or before you even start, well, then maybe it isn’t really a dream or a big vision at all but just a nice idea. If you don’t believe it is just a nice idea, then don’t let yourself build on platitudes. Platitudes are the sands of purpose and wash away your fortitude when problems arise.
Build on conviction and passion driven by a vision bigger than yourself, because when you do, you’ll have the fuel needed to carry you through the difficulties that can and must come.

Face Your Fears

The world is never, ever changed by platitudes. It is also never changed by the person who is willing to settle for less than all-in. And here’s what I’m learning on my own journey. When we start with the purpose to give it everything we’ve got, even if we don’t end up where we hoped we might, we find ourselves in a very different, usually better place than the one where we started. A diet of might-have-been is bitter and much harder to swallow than the disappointment of having tried and not met the mark. There is honor in pursuing big ideas, and when they do work? Well, then we really can change the world.

You’ll never know if your vision will change the world unless you begin your journey. It’s worth it. You’re worth it. Go all in. Don’t look back. And wherever you land – you’ll be a better person for having the courage to take the journey, because self-respect is a direct result of making the hard choices, facing the difficult fears and going far beyond any comfort zone – no matter the outcome.


 

Note: You can meet these women, hear their pitches and help choose the audience favorite on February 21, 2015 at the Haute Night Out Gala. Tickets are available: http://www.hautenightout.eventbrite.com

If you are ready to launch your dream or get serious about building your business, you can find inspiration, insight and the tools you’ll need in the year ahead at the all day conference leading up to the Gala. You can find out more here: http://www.hautehighlights.eventbrite.com

To get involved with our mentoring program or support our efforts, visit our website: http://www.hautepreneurs.com


 

Three Things You Need To Know About Failure

Mourning

I recently had a conversation with someone who was pointing out how many times I’d failed to meet the same goal. It felt pretty awful, especially because I knew it was true. But in that moment, I also realized that I could either accept that as my permanent truth, or I could look a bit deeper at why I was failing. In the process, I discovered three powerful truths about failure.

Sometimes failure to try is our way of gaining space until the time is right.

Two years ago, I suggested that my talented, artistic daughter open an Etsy shop to sell her handmade cards, calendars and posters. I campaigned pretty hard for the idea. The entrepreneur in me wanted to see my daughter take control of her own destiny and share her talent with the world, but the mom in me wanted her to find her own path, whatever it was. So I backed off and left her alone when she made it clear she wasn’t ready.

Well, for the most part, I backed off.
Except when she would show me something she bought on Etsy.
Or someone would mention Etsy.
Or I would mention Etsy.
Ok, to be honest, I probably didn’t leave her alone as well as I should have.

You can imagine my surprise recently when she sent the text I’d been hoping to see for over two years. “So I know I’ve been really resistant against an etsy shop…” she wrote. Her text had phrases like “… but it occurred to me … I was looking at … and I kept thinking I could do better … and then I realized I should.”

It was in that moment that I realized what likely felt like failure to her two years ago when she said she didn’t think she could try this new idea was simply her way of carving out space. She needed time to muster up the courage and to own the idea for herself.

It wasn’t failure at all. It was simply not the right time.

Sometimes when we fail to try, we see it as failure. That perception makes it harder to find the courage to try the next time we see an opportunity. Sometimes no isn’t failure; it’s simply not the right time.

The skills we learn on our way to failure often carry us to our next success.

Sick person with headacheThere was a point in my company’s journey about three years ago where I couldn’t see my way forward. I was a nearing the end of my bootstrapped resources. My initial idea hadn’t taken off like the wildfire I’d imagined, and I saw a brick wall in front of me that felt an awful lot like the end. I didn’t sleep at night, and I couldn’t focus on anything during the day. I was looking in the face of failure, and it felt worse than anything I’d felt before.

One afternoon I started writing down all of the things I’d learned since launching my startup, from the mundane to the profound: how to write a business plan, incorporate a business, set up a bank account, pay corporate taxes. I learned to hire an accountant so they could pay corporate taxes and a lawyer to set up the business correctly. I learned the value of building relationships and a network. The list was several pages long, and at the end of that exercise, I realized I’d gained more skills in those three years than I could have any other way – all skills that would help me do something else if I did fail.

When I realized that even if I failed, it wouldn’t be a complete failure, that helped me focus and take control. We pivoted the company shortly after that, and within months, we were gaining traction and customers – a validation that this new direction was solving real problems in the market. We’ve grown a lot since then – acquired another company, hired employees, gained new customers, built out new technology – and none of it would have happened if I had accepted imminent failure as the complete story.

Nine out of ten startups fail. 92% of New Years Resolutions fail. And the number of diets that fail? That statistic is all over the map. Failure is part of the journey for most of us, in some part of our lives or another. None of us experience success at everything we try. Accepting that failure is a real possibility is very different than believing that failure is imminent. Changing our outlook when we begin to fail can change the outcome. There are often far more successes than failures if we just look for them.

Failure is often a result of stopping short of going all in.

Relaxing in a chairWhen I decided to not close up shop but to pivot the direction of the company, I also decided that there could be no holding back. I’d always had this thought when I was a solopreneur that if I failed, it was just me that would be affected. I told myself that trying at all took a lot of courage and was a success in itself. But once we pivoted, I committed to going all in – nothing held back. It was so much more terrifying than when I’d allowed for failure to be a viable option. But it also made all the difference in my level of willingness to put myself out there on the edge of my skills and knowledge. It was a scary thing to acknowledge that if I failed, everyone on our team would have to start over at something else, not just me.

Believe me, I am still very aware that our company could end up having to close its doors someday. I’m not naive about the odds. But I’ve witnessed the difference between a really good effort and going all in, and I’m convinced that it is only when we are willing to be terrified on the edge of the precipice that we find success. You know what else I’ve learned about going all in? Others can tell. They’re willing to get on board and get behind you when they know how committed you are to success. We’re still in the beginning of our growth, and we’ve enjoyed our growth due to the commitment and belief of an amazing staff, savvy investors and great clients who were willing to get behind our vision. I never take for granted just how remarkable that is.

Failure feels so much worse, eats at our self esteem, when we know we lacked commitment and effort. I’m pretty sure this is the root to the continued failure I’ve experienced up until now in one of the goals I set for myself a very long time ago. I’m having to remind myself to not be afraid of failure – it may or may not come. Be afraid of not going all in. That’s a much more bitter pill to swallow, and it will hold us back from ever enjoying the heady rush of finally finding success.

Morning Musing: Sacrifice

IMG_0216Don’t take on something new that is not worth sacrificing something else to make it happen. If you’re not willing to sacrifice something you’re doing now or give up something you currently have to make something new happen, you’ll never be willing to do what it takes with this new endeavor to make it succeed.